The Manhandled Maiden
by Madman-Mozen
Summary: What happens when you combine a pregnant Captain, a worried Vulcan, and a crew that can't seem to stop betting on the gender of the baby? A mound of laughs. Jim just got Fatter. LIKE HELL I DID!
1. What's wrong with Jim?

"Do I look Fat to you?" Jim asked while eyeing his posterior with a threatening glance. His uniform was fitting a bit snug around his middle and lower regions. The young Captain placed his hands gingerly on his hips and felt down his thighs and backside, his brow furrowed in confusion. He looked as though he gained about 10 pounds but how? He worked out regularly and ate his meals with no unhealthy snacking in between. Jim poked his stomach and sighed. "Spock, I asked you question." The Dark haired Vulcan shuffled a bit but didn't respond. "Spock."

"I already gave you an answer earlier this morning," His first Officer replied curtly with a roll of his eyes. He was lounging in a desk chair with a manual opened neatly in front of him, four pages pressed tightly between his long fingers. "I said you look as pleasing as you on average do. " Jim gave him a half hearted glare. The commander simply flipped a page, oblivious to the Jim Kirk 'I'm onto you glare.' The Captain and his first Officer were practically roommates now since their joining some 6 months earlier. The Captain was most diligent in getting his commander to crack and Spock was not invincible to the James Kirk Charm. Jim spun lightly, still eyeing himself. He went over to the mirror and began to slowly rotate in place, eying his body as one might a feral creature. Spock watched him with a slightly upraised eyebrow. "Have you become more conceited seeing as you look more into a mirror than most earth women? In the past few days, you have become oddly centered on your increasing weight. It's almost abnormal how human beings seem so obsessed with their physical appearance . . . . . ." Spock flipped a page.

"Did you just call me fat?" Jim asked with a suspicious tone. "If you didn't, you most certainly just called me ugly. I can understand most of that Vulcan jargon you mutter out now."

"I did no such thing Captain." Spock said slowly so as not to arouse the Captain's anger. Jim's moods were getting a bit odd lately. Yesterday, he practically was screaming orders at the crew when someone spilled their coffee on him in the mess hall. Later on in the Rec. Room, someone lost a chess piece and Jim became suddenly depressed, withdrawn, and generally unbearable until it could be found. Then at dinner, he threw a hissy fit worthy of a five year old because the replicator couldn't give him a watermelon smoothie. Which was odd seeing as it was a beverage that Jim often and quite vehemently despised. Spock was secretly becoming worried for his lover as these actions were most unlike him. "Captain if I may-."

"Jim." Jim supplied sourly. Something was way off with him. When he and Spock returned from yesterday's meal in the mess hall to their room, he didn't feel like sex . . . . . which was most peculiar for the young captain. And this morning, he was vomiting all of last night's dinner. He was unable to sleep, he had a terrible headache, his legs felt weak, and his body just seemed to ache. And what was worse about it all was that he was trying not to alert Spock to the problem, because he didn't want him to worry. But Spock seemed to be ignoring Jim just fine. It sort of hurt that his lover could so easily be fooled.

"Jim, then." Spock closed the manual and leaned forward, examining Jim. Dark Brown eyes focused only on him. "You are as beautiful and irrational as you normally are." He said with utmost sincerity. Jim felt his heart flutter but also something else in the back of his eyes.

"You're just saying that. You think I'm fat don't you?"

"Jim your waist nor upper leg has increased in girth. This reaction is illogical." Jim felt tears fill his eyes. He didn't understand! He was just being so . . . Vulcan about Jim's dilemma. Why didn't he understand that Jim needed to be tip-top shape as Captain and that his appearance was to make Spock happy. Why didn't he get it! Wasn't it obvious? What was wrong with him! Jim but his lip and wiped angrily at his eyes with his arm, a choked sob escaping with snuffles through his uniform sleeve. Jim was crying. Spock looked mildly surprised. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with your appearance, Jim. Perhaps you have been injured in some unseen way. Are you feeling well?" Spock stood up to touch Jim's forehead but Jim jerked away, blue eyes wide and wet with unshed tears. They pooled over his lids now and ran freely down his cheeks.

"So that's how it is, is it? You think just because Jimmy gets fat it means that he's not pretty anymore." Jim sniffled loudly. "You Bastard! I hate you." Jim ran dramatically toward the door, slammed his fist onto the console, and screamed. As soon as the door was open, he sped out into the Hall, arms flailing and his eyes shimmering in the bright corridor lights. The door made a faint pop as it closed behind him. Spock, still standing with his hand outstretched, narrowed his eyes and straitened up. The Vulcan raised a polished brow.

"What was that?"


	2. The Expertise of a Woman

_**I forgot to put the disclaimer on the first chapter. Sorry. Star Trek originally owned in part by Gene Rodenberry and JJ. Abrams. I wish I owned Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto but I don't. . . .. . . now let me go cry in my corner.**

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**SMALL Reference to THE NAKED TIME actually a real star trek episode. Ha-ha. Sulu. **

**If you see a mistake just message me and I'll fix it. If I can! I need a beta! (puppy eyes) pwease review when you finish!?

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**Chapter 2: The Expertise of a Woman.

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Spock did not run out into the hall tearing after his captain until he found out the truth to this new dilemma.

That was something a woman would do.

Or McCoy.

But Spock as a Vulcan refused to show such indecision on his part so he went to talk to a source of great knowledge on such human matters. His ex-girlfriend.

He calmly walked to the bridge and expressed lightly that Lt. Uhura's assistance was needed to deal with something urgent.

Lieutenant Uhura was sitting at her station but on the Commander's order, a person from a latter shift was put in place and he let Sulu remain in control for the time being until their captain could be located and thoroughly diagnosed. He didn't believe his Captain was sick, merely overworked or malnourished and suffering a small bout of insanity. Spock mentally scolded himself. How could he let such a thing happen to his T'hy'la? Uhura was dressed in her usual red uniform and knee high boots, her long dark hair pulled back from her dark face into a high ponytail. Deep brown expectant and somewhat expressive eyes watched Spock beneath a flutter of thick lashes and Spock couldn't help but notice what lay in those eyes. Curiosity, Confusion, and a tinge of slight worry. He led her to a turbo lift and encased them both inside, merely sealing the doors around them.

"Lieutenant, something is wrong with my Captain." He said quietly. Uhura blinked and leaned back against the Turbo lift.

"What did he do this time?" She asked and then narrowed here eyes on Spock, "Or was it something you did this time?" Spock wasn't all that sure how to explain. One moment Jim was acting fine, the next he was running down the hall throwing a fit like a small child. Spock shook his head.

"I am unaware of what caused these disturbances in the Captain's behavior. He was . . . . . most irrational this morning. In the earlier hours of today , moments before he was made aware of my consciousness, he was sick. I heard him vomiting and didn't ask because he is often shy and very prideful of any weaknesses he has. Then he made some comments about increasing weight in his lower regions specifically those of his stomach, posterior, and thighs. I told him, he had no such need to worry and that he looked as pleasing as he always did. " Uhura sighed here, "I then attempted to comfort him on the topic by assuring him of his appearance when he became suddenly irate and fled into the hall." Spock paused. "I believe that is all."

Uhura bit her bottom lip as her brows furrowed in deep concentration.

"Did anything happen yesterday that could explain his erratic behavior? Like did he drink or eat or come in contact with something. This could be like that virus we caught that one time. I don't think we've had any craziness like last time though. Unless you have seen Sulu running around the bridge with a sword and no shirt." She slowly understood why Spock was upset. It made it seem as though Jim was upset with him. But . . . . . she was most positive that when Spock said assuring Jim of his appearance was supposed to be a good thing. Being called beautiful by a Vulcan usually had a different effect than anger from a human. She blushed, remembering that she was once the focus of that comment.

"Jim did behave most unconventionally in the mess hall when the replicator refused to give him a Watermelon beverage." He paused and Uhura snapped back into the present to listen. "It is a food he has often voiced with disapproval. He also expressed extreme change in demeanor when a chess piece went missing as well as a small coffee incident occurred."

Uhura thoughtfully tapped her chin.

"Food Cravings. . . . Stomach problems. . . . Mood swings. . .," She paused, a glint of what looked like comprehension dawned on her face. "Oh." It all made sense now in a sick twisted way. Uhura tried to quiet the squeals and peals of laughter that threatened to erupt from her throat. She calmed herself to ask quickly before she lost all control. "Has he been sleeping well?" The Vulcan looked surprised but shook his head. .

"No, he has become irritable in bed and has small burst of insomnia. How irresponsible of me to forget that as well." Spock's eyebrow rose, "You have figured out what is wrong with the Captain?" Uhura smiled slowly, and Spock felt a shiver of fear slither up from his shoulders into his lower back. He took a step back.

"How has the sex been between the two of you?" The Lieutenant asked with a wicked gleam in her eye. Spock's mind was too busy worrying about Jim and Uhura to put the pieces together as she so evidently did by the Cheshire cat grin that filled her face. Spock was actually confused as to what this mattered.

"Jim sexually appetites as of late have been . . . . . less." Spock genuinely looked confused now, letting it seep into his eyes and mouth, something a full Vulcan would be abhorred to do. Uhura grinned, and seemed to be almost on the verge of tears. Spock examined her a bit closely. She seemed really happy.

"Spock," she said slowly as not to scare him. "What do you know about babies?"

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REVIEW PLEASE! OH! AND BEFORE I FORGET! Suggest Baby Names and Genders! I have some idea but this is still an open cart! Fill it with ideas!


	3. Mama McCoy

Disclaimer: Where no man has gone before! I . . . . wish and only wish that I owned this. Then I could annoy Spock and Capt. Kirk with my camera until they run screaming to Delta Vega together!

New to this universe and Fandom. Bear with me for but a moment longer! And PWEASE REVIEW! Also, I love commas but I always use them wrong. If you see something wrong, grammar wise, spelling wise, or trekkie wise, please reply or send me a message about it and I'll fix it. Kay? Unless I can't find it. . . . . oops.

Also. The story has the reins. My computer and fingers are only slaves to the ever evolving story. Oh and YES ! There is a house reference. Preferable his most noted one involving parasites. . . . .and play dates mwhaha!

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Chapter 3: Mama McCoy

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Jim sniffled and trudged down the hall to steal some of Chekov's Vodka, Scotty's Scotch, or Bones' Bourbon. He wanted to get plastered and ease some of the tension racing through his sore muscles and weary flesh. The ache in his body was less noticeable but the pounding behind his eyes was soon becoming unbearable.

He sighed and groaned at the stuffy feeling deep within the confines of his lungs.

The Bourbon was the best bet with his current weak state of mind. And McCoy would probably have a hypo to treat a terrible hangover that he was destined to have which combined with his ever looming headache, seemed to make his day a living hell. Spock was going to have his hands filled with a Jim Kirk and not a happy sober one, hell no. He was going to get so drunk that there would be five Spocks instead of two. Jim shook his head. Did he really need any more Spocks? His stomach rumbled angrily and he clutched it just a little tighter. The organ in question felt as though it wasn't even connected to his body. Jim groaned and rubbed at his stomach again which began to throb with a deep rooted pain that seemed to shrink then expand with a dull pulsing. _Definitely connected now_ Jim thought with a painful groan.

Jim forcefully wiped his runny nose with his ill-fated sleeve. His mood had somewhat improved but his dramatic exit did nothing for the realization that Spock wasn't the type to run after him. He loved Spock, really he did. He was smart and secretly funny. But his social skills need some serious work and the whole deal with his bottled up emotions was just something that annoyed Jim to no end.

And yet he wouldn't change the Half-Vulcan even if he could. Jim huffed. "I am way too nice to him."

Damn, He was a masochist. That was it. It had to be. He wanted to suffer at the hands of an emotionally incompetent half-Vulcan that could strangle Jim in an instant if he so desired. Jim frowned, a sudden sadness enveloping him. Why else would the funny, charming, deviously handsome Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the U.S.S Enterprise choose to fall to the whims and unexciting prospect of a Vulcan Mate?. It was because he loved the Son of a bitch too much! That Bastard, just wait till Jim got a hold of him. He would be so sorry! Jim was going to make him pay with everything he had and everything he . . . . Jim paused mid-mind rant to compose himself.

What exactly was he gonna do if he caught Spock?

The young Captain's mind filled with horror, a horror so absolute that Jim could swear he stopped breathing for a few minutes . . . . . he . . . he . . . . _He_ _had no desire what so ever to fuck the Vulcan senseless! _Jim felt his forehead, his neck, his chest, and then his junk. A strait line down of panic began to swell.

_Oh my God, was he sick?_ Did the idea of sex really not . . . . . Jim swallowed, trying to quell the panic for a while as he attempted to find his bearings. . . . He failed.

"BONES!" Jim screamed as he ran down the hall.

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McCoy was having a nice, quiet chat with Nurse Chapel on basic ways to restrain a patient versus the sort of injury that could occur at a moment's notice due to improper restraint technique. But as soon as Jim ran into the door, as in _hit the door_. McCoy seemed to lose his _personal_ restraint.

"Dammit Jim. What the hell is wrong with you?" Bones didn't need to open the door to know it was Jim. Jim, for some God forgiving reason, believed that Bones' doors were always to be open for him. This was proven false several times before this single incident. Nurse Chapel chuckled lightly and opened the door, ushering the Captain in and quietly to a chair. Bones eyed the weary form before asking that Nurse Chapel get him a scanner. "What do you want?" He asked, moving forward and examining Jim as was now automatic when someone walked in. Jim seemed to be breathing quite rapidly, his chest heaving and his arms keeping him stable in his chair. McCoy was also able to notice that he was lightly shaking. Bones reached out a hand and gently felt along Jim's forehead, before moving down the side of his face to check his pulse. "You feel like you ran a damn marathon. Nurse Chapel, please bring Jim some water."

"Whiskey, Bourbon, or Wine if you got it." Jim cupped his face in his hands. "Please." He whispered quietly. McCoy stiffened. Jim only asked him for alcohol when he was desperate. He shook his head at Nurse Chapel's curious glance.

"Nurse, the water please." McCoy asked impatiently. Jim looked up and opened his mouth, all too ready to protest, but Bones laid a hand on his shoulder to quiet him. "Not a word." He whispered, "Do you want to speak alone or is it okay with Chapel here?" The young Captain looked at the nurse in question and bit his lip.

"It's a private matter." He muttered. Bones nodded and turned to Nurse Chapel, who handed him Jim's small cup of water. Jim eagerly accepted it, having run around most of the ship already.

"Nurse if you could please excuse us for a moment?" Chapel nodded, giving a small smile to Jim and leaving the room, sealing the door behind her. "Now what is it?"

Jim blushed profusely for a minute and McCoy sighed. "Did you hurt yourself with some sort of kinky Vulcan sex act." Jim shook his head quickly, the flush never leaving his cheeks. He tilted the cup of water back, taking a small swig, but never actually looking McCoy in the eye. Bones snorted, Jim was acting like a virgin or something. "Did something get stuck?" Water spewed from Jim's mouth and he was coughing hastily to clear his air passage. "Well I guess not." Jim gave him a glare and Bones quickly returned it. "Well what then? You haven't grown any arms, there aren't two of you running amok on the ship as far as I've seen, and there seems to be nothing wrong with you except that you were exercising pretty hard this morning. "

A flinch, Bones noted absently.

On the word _hard_.

_Oh_? He grinned. This was interesting. "Having problems with a little something?" Jim glared at him. "Some sort of _equipment_, perhaps." Jim swallowed stiffly and nodded. A very jerky nod. Bones couldn't help it as he burst into laughter, grabbing the back of a chair to steady himself on. Jim buried his head in his hands again. Oh the shame.

"It's not funny." The Captain said with a groan. "Something is seriously wrong with me. Things have been getting weird and it's affecting my sleep and _my sleeping patterns_ and what I eat. I can't even truly think about sex with Spock or . . . . Anyone! " He gasped. "Oh my God. . . You don't think I have erectile dysfunction?" McCoy looked at him quietly again before he burst into another string of the giggle fits.

"I knew this would happen with the way you use your equipment," Jim promptly glared at his best friend, "But I never guessed it would be this soon!"

"_Wait_, you **knew **this would happen?" Jim fumed. Bones gave a shake of his head and sat down, fiddling with a pen he pulled from his front pants pocket.

"Enjoy it while you can, when you can is what I always say."

"_When have you ever said that?"_ Jim muttered under his breath. Bones wasn't the sort to do something that spontaneous. Not since his divorce anyway. Before the divorce however, that. . . . Jim eyed Bones. . . His calm, brotherly friend Bones. . . . Before the divorce. . . . . That was a complete and total mystery.

McCoy's mouth made an odd upturn and he squinted at the ceiling. "But it is rather young and very uncommon at this age. Maybe it involves some sort of change in your diet?" McCoy frowned. "Damn."

"What? What is it? Did you think of something to fix it?" Jim couldn't keep the eagerness out of his voice or the hopeful glint out of his eye.

"No." McCoy answered without any deceit while Jim pouted. "But the Hob-Goblin," The Captain frowned at the mean nick-name for Spock, "He will be pleased by this chain of events because with that appetite of yours gone, he doesn't have to watch his back on the bridge anymore or strain himself to meet you for every little _encounter_ you hope to have in the later future." Jim shuffled a bit.

"You can't give me something that will take care of it? I mean, Bones, I'm James Tiberius Kirk and without a sexual appetite, I may as well be Vulcan," Not a good comparison but Bones could see where this would head. Jim without sex was . . . . well . . . . . not Jim. He turned to the younger man with utmost seriousness.

"Yeah, I got a cure." Bones said quickly.

"Really?" Jim asked quizzically.

"One word. Three syllables. VI-AG-RA. It worked then and it'll work now. Although," he said as an afterthought. "I'm not sure what it will do concerning you and your alien sex." Jim huffed indignantly.

"Viagra."

"Yep."

"That's all we can come up with?" And here 200 plus years into future from the 21 century and they were going to rely on such an archaic practice as Viagra?

"Unless. . . .wait. " Bones stared at Jim thoughtfully, as if only seeing something for the first time. "Have you recently gained weight?" Jim's eyes flared dangerously and he opened his mouth to offer a scathing retort but McCoy merely held up a hand to keep the irate captain's temper at bay. "This could be affecting your current problem, In fact," he said as he leaned in closer to examine Jim's slightly swelling stomach. "It could be the problem." Jim looked down at his stomach and poked it. He frowned before looking back to bones.

"I haven't been eating more than I normally do. But I have these odd cravings for food now." He grimaced and clutched his side as if feeling for something. "You don't think it's some sort of parasite do you?" McCoy narrowed his eyes.

"Cravings." He deadpanned. It could be a parasite. . . . . . The type you name. . . . .and send off on play dates. Bones would know that type of boat all too well.

"Yeah. Like yesterday the stupid replicator couldn't even give me a proper watermelon smoothie."

"A watermelon. . . . . Jim . . . . . you hate those things." The Captain shrugged and tossed him a careless grin, sadness and temporary depression forgotten. Odd for Jim, McCoy thought, but fitting considering the circumstances.

"I know but yesterday I just had to have one. I mean the taste of one just wouldn't go away and it just bugged the hell out of me. All sweet and tangy." Jim shuddered in what McCoy hoped was hunger. He perked up suddenly as if realizing something. "I want another one."

Bones seemed to shift away from Jim as he slowly put it all together. Sudden Cravings. Exactly like. . . . . . . . Damn. This was bad if it was what he thought it was. He flinched. Jim was going to be unbearable if it was true.

"Has your Stomach been giving you problems?" He asked slowly, as not to draw attention to himself. He needed a plan. Chapel? She was too far but all he had to do was push a button to get her here in about six minutes.

"Only sometimes. It happens usually after I sleep because I always lay on my stomach."

_Strike 1. _

"What about any sort of jolting pangs in you back or hips?"

"Somewhat in my back and my joints are killing me."

_Strike 2_

"Are you having any problems with a rising temper or staying calm?" Jim shrugged.

"I _feel_ fine. It's just that this week people in general have been getting on my nerves and it's just been so. . . . . . Bones?" Bones had groaned at his imaginary _Strike 3_ and Jim narrowed his eyes at him in suspicion. "You know, don't you?" Bones suddenly realized he was too damn old for this. _Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a babysitter_. Jim began to slightly panic at the look of dread on McCoy's face. "Bones. . . . what is it?" As a Man that possessed one daughter and witnessed firsthand the effects of an early pregnancy, he doubted the reaction Jim was going to have would be pleasant. He winced. Not pleasant at all. Jim sat up, eyes intensely focused and alert. "What is it Bones?" Jim's voice was wavering in desperation. Jim honestly didn't know what was wrong and McCoy thought uselessly that this stress must be bad for him. Bones rubbed intensely at his jaw. Should he get Chapel and a hypo to sedate him? Or perhaps a . . . . no it would hurt . . . . . . . . .Bones hated himself for thinking of it but a hypo wasn't a good thing at all in this situation.

It could hurt the baby.

"Jim," Bones said quietly as he looked to his captain. "I need you to stay here while I go find Spock,"Jim stood quickly, a dizzying rush spreading through his head. Why were his lungs hurting. . . . . . . Crap, when was he holding his breath? . . . . . . McCoy was stepping away, filling his pockets with pills and hypos and a small scanning device that Nurse Chapel left for him on his desk. He darted one last look at his captain as he approached the door.

Jim was pale and his breathing was more of a soft pant. "Is it bad?" This stress was bad for him. The suspense could make his serotonin levels rise dangerously and. . . .. . Calm him down. Set him at ease.

"It's nothing that a pill or two won't fix as well as some sleep." McCoy was surprised at how smooth that lie came out of his mouth. "Take a nap while me and Nurse Chapel find Spock. Whatever bug you caught, he might have it too." Jim visibly relaxed.

"A bug?"Jim asked. "It's just a bug? Nothing. . . .deadly or life-threatening?" _You have no idea how crazy this is about to get_, McCoy thought.

"Yeah. Nothing serious." Damn him to hell for this. "The Vulcan may even be immune what with that green blood and different organ organization. I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle."

"Oh." Jim said, his breathing had calmed and the tension seemed to loosen in his shoulders and arms. Bones gave him what he hoped was a sincere smile.

"Be back in a second."

"Okay." Jim said as he laid down on the nearest bed. Sleep did sound nice after last night and this morning.

As soon as that door closed behind him, McCoy ran.

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REVIEWWITH BABY GENDERS AND BABY NAMES! RIGHT BEFORE THE BABY IS BORN, We will conduct a final poll using the 6 gender with baby names that I find the most perfect for the story. Only two have been submitted so far. First place winner will be first name. Second place may end up as the middle name.

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Girl-Amanda (submitted by Edward the Spiderqueen)

Boy-Squirt *a play on Spirk* (submitted by My little sister Hannah)

Boy-David (submitted by THISISSPARTAsodealwithit)


	4. Take a Breath and Jump

I do not own Star Trek, I don't think I could run it even if I did own. I do enjoy it. I am new to it and am working my through TOS among other trekkie domains. I have decided that going through reviews is a lot harder than I previously thought. It is terrible because all those wonderful anonymous reviewers I have can't get a reply unless i write it here or on my Profile.

Know that I love you all equally. THANK YOU AL FOR REVIEWING!

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**Chapter 4: Take a breath and Jump.**

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"I'm Sorry, I do not understand. Please explain again." Spock said, his face formed in a somewhat puzzled expression.

Uhura sighed.

She had tried her hardest to get the Vulcan to understand their current predicament while they were in the turbo lift but today Spock just wasn't at his most logical. He was too worried about Jim to see the pattern that she was trying to explain to him about Jim's current state. Her mind was swelling with a sweet happiness about how cute this all was and she was constantly forced to shove her feelings of excitement down to concentrate on the trouble at hand.

_Close your eyes and Smile_. She did. The Vulcan took a step back, knowing all too well what that smile entailed.

"Let us go find Jim and Dr. McCoy, Okay Spock?" She said, grabbing the young Vulcan male by his arm and basically yanking him down the corridor, "He can explain this loads better than I can."

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McCoy rushed down the hall, slamming yeomen and Security officers alike in his haste to get by. He had to contact the Vulcan High Council to notify Spock's father that he had "knocked" Jim up as well as ask him or some other doctor about Vulcan Pregnancy periods. He also needed a Starfleet officer who had some sort of experience in such matters. Nurse Chapel only knew human and 3 other alien type pregnancy procedures whereas McCoy knew next to nothing except the actual deliverance of a baby which was generally the same no matter the race or species.

He spun through a corner, hit a wall, and went on trucking, almost phasing now through the crowd, legs shuffling him through at a fast pace. He was almost to the lift when he was shoved back with a sharp force.

Bones' head snapped up and his mouth shifted into an ugly sneer.

Today was not going well as it was and this a damn kid thought they could just go barreling down the hall when he had an emergency that he needed to get taken care of pronto? He pushed himself up with his elbows and rose to his feet just as the ensign did, crossing his arms in disapproval before he began the process of scaring the ensign that stood in front of him.

"What. The. Fuck." He made sure to enunciate every word to the young man. The ensign's face was full of fear at the face of the Chief Medical officer, his hands locked painfully like his legs as he stood at a stiff attention. McCoy was unaware of his disheveled and quite murderous appearance so he was also oblivious of why the ensign held upon his face the utter contortion of terror. He sighed in a very hard attempt to calm himself down. "Sorry for the unneeded language but I am _very_ busy at the moment, ensign," He looked to the nametag, "Mercado, and I have to fix something _very_ quickly so if you could please get out of my way." He moved forward to pass the ensign but Ensign Mercado shakily raised his hand in a way reminiscent of a grade-schooler. Bones was forced to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the idiotic sight before he clenched his teeth and idly tapped his forehead. "What?" He asked wearily.

"Sir," He gulped as Bones narrowed his eyes at him, "Lieutenant Uhura, sir, has requested your presence in the Medical Bay." So the ensign was looking for him from the front of the ship. Uhura must have contacted him earlier while he was on the bridge. "She says that the matter was of utmost importance." Bones clenched his fist as well as his teeth.

"Whatever it is, I am _most_ positive that it can wait. I have _much_ more important matters to deal with." McCoy was just past Ensign Mercado when he was snagged on the arm by the ensign's hand. "Listen Kid, I just clearly stated that I am busy-,"

"She said it involved the health of the Captain and his First Officer." The Ensign sputtered out quickly almost like an apology. "She also said that due to some new development that has taken place, she would need your input on certain necessary changes." Bones stared him like he had grown an extra head. Ensign Mercado gulped at the look on McCoy's face, a look that seemed much more gruesome than his earlier expression.

"She said what?" he practically shouted.

"And she also said she would be waiting for you-," Ensign Mercado was unable to finish because Bones made a sharp U-Turn around the ensign, running back to his medical room where he left a sleeping Jim.

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Jim and Spock were ushered from the opening of the medical bay into McCoy's office by a snickering Uhura and an irate Bones. The door was promptly slammed shut behind them.

Jim moved over and attempted to sneakily grab Spock's hand, brushing his fingers lightly across the tip of Spock's thumb before moving across to the other digits. Spock gave a small shudder as Jim did this and his ears began flare a delicate green in the low light. His eyes were lidded of their own accord in the delightful pleasure as a soft sigh slipped from his lips. The young Captain smirked at seeing his boyfriend so flush.

"Stop making out in Vulcan." Bones snapped irritably. "This is very serious." Uhura couldn't help but go Aw at the sight of them holding hands. Jim grinned sheepishly at being caught while Spock just raised an eyebrow at the doctor.

"Sorry Bones."

"Whatever." Bones said, knowing full well that Jim was anything but sorry, "Now to the matter at hand." Bones glared at the Vulcan. "Due to some . . . . recent and completely unavoidable developments, we, Uhura and I, have come the conclusion that it would be best if you and Jim were to talk over the situation that has arisen and take any precautions that may be needed after you figure out what it is that is exactly wrong." Jim opened his mouth but Spock beat him to it.

"Most of what you just said made very little sense, Doctor," Jim nodded, "Wouldn't it be easier if you inform us of that which is wrong?" The Vulcan asked. Bones shook his head and wiped at his tired brow since this was getting a lot tougher than he thought. Uhura stepped forward, her hands clasped loosely in front of her. Bones stepped aside as it seemed she would get across better to them than he ever could.

"Jim," she said, "You and Spock need to discuss this among yourselves," Spock and Jim both wished to argue by the looks evident on their faces but Uhura just held up a finger to insure their silence, "This is a private matter between the two of you and if you two aren't able to figure it out," her gaze sharpened as it looked to the two before her, "Then so help me, I will knock the sense that is dearly needed into both of your heads." She looked to Spock and gave him a tired smile, "It's not as hard as it looks. In fact, it's rather obvious if you do the equation right." Both young men were puzzled as they looked to one another and somehow managed to miss how quickly Uhura grabbed Bones. She shoved him straight out into the hallway, the door making a faint pop behind her with a light click following it which meant the door was locked.

Jim looked from the door then to Spock who had his brow furrowed in deep concentration.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" He asked with embarrassed smile, "'Cause I sure as hell don't,"

"She said it was obvious." Spock said quietly, his hand coming up to tap at his chin idly, "but only if I do the equation right." He looked at Jim as if he were some sort of puzzle that needed to be sorted.

Jim watched him for a while before he decided to sit down at Bones' desk, spinning in his chair from left to right. He could override the door if he wanted, being captain and all, but he wanted to understand what was wrong. He cast another glance at his first officer whose eyes were unfocused and unblinking as he took apart the information he had gathered to compute it into one single fact. Jim smiled. Spock would figure it out for him. _But until then_, Jim began spinning again and making whoosh sounds.

The young Vulcan leaned back against the wall, lounging there as his mind began to tumble into the events of today and yesterday.

_One_, yesterday, Jim was constantly changing moods and this morning he was ill. Spock paused. In fact, most of this week, Jim was ill in the early hours of the day or just before he went to sleep.

_Two_, Jim recently began the process of gaining weight, uncommon with his diet and current level of exercise. Spock raked his brain for what he told Uhura in the lift this morning.

_Three_, Jim was not sleeping well and suffering temporary bouts of insomnia. Spock noticed this because his sleeping patterns were different from Jim's and he didn't require as much sleep as a human but more sleep than a normal Vulcan.

_Four_, Jim was expressing a desire for foods which were often not included in his daily dining.

Spock eyes widened.

His Mother once told him of such things that had occurred when she was . . . . . . . . .

_And Five_, He and Jim hadn't slept together for almost an entire week, something Spock hadn't realized until that very moment. That type of behavior was not like Jim at all. The Vulcan looked at Jim, putting the pieces together breathlessly before he sagged against the wall and slipped onto the floor, totally overcome by an emotion that he couldn't hope to relinquish or hide using his Vulcan psyche.

Jim jumped quickly from his sitting position as the Vulcan fell down and moved over to Spock. His eyes were wide and confused as he got to his knees to be on level with his First Officer.

"Spock what's wrong?" Jim asked, tugging on his lover who had a hand curled around the side of his head, tugging at his own hair. Spock seemed to shaking, small tremors raking his body. Jim was getting more worried as the seconds went by. "Spock is something-Mmph!"

Spock was kissing him and Jim realized that those small shakes were soft laughter. Jim wasn't aware of how it happened but he ended up kneeling between Spock's legs, knees bent beneath, body angled in by the strong Vulcan arms that were wrapped around him, pulling him chest to chest with his First Officer. Jim was confused as hell until he looked into Spock's eyes which held such a happy expression that Jim wasn't sure they belonged on his face. Jim tried to pull back but it seemed Spock only wanted to hold him tighter.

" . .. Ugh. . .Spock?" Jim asked, concerned as to what the hell was going on.

"I figured it out." Spock said, pulling Jim close again and pressing Jim's forehead against his own. "I figured it out." Jim chuckled. So that was it. He solved the puzzle.

"What is it then?" Jim asked curiously, leaning down to kiss Spock's nose. "What's the big mystery that everyone but us seems to have figured out?" Spock ran his fingers through Jim's hair and began the process of pulling himself up, to be face to face with his lover, which meant just crawling to his knees. The Vulcan's breathing was fast and excited, his eyes shimmering in a happiness that Jim had never seen.

"Jim," Spock asked with greatly satisfied expression, "Where do babies come from?"

Jim laughed at the odd response to his question. "What kind of question is . . . . . . . . .?"Jim choked as his brain suddenly put the little red flag up.

Things that McCoy had said. Things that Uhura had said. The expressions. The reactions. The problems.

He looked at Spock, disbelief evident in every angle of his face.

Spock nodded and Jim felt himself sag against his lover, his hand somehow finding one of Spock's within all the madness. He was basically laying on top of his First Officer now but he didn't really care. The Vulcan's hand tightened around his own, as the other arm snaked its way around Jim's waist to lay a protective hand on Jim's swelling stomach.

Jim closed his eyes to blink away the tears. His body quivered and he pressed his face against Spock's chest.

"No fucking way."

* * *

"When did you figure it out?" He asked Uhura. She was sitting with her legs crossed out in front of her, fingers idly twitching on the hem of her skirt. Both were seated just outside his office door where inside hopefully were Jim and Spock finally figuring out what was going on.

"I found out this morning when Spock couldn't understand what was wrong with Jim." She said with a chuckle. "Do you think they will figure it out on their own? Spock did seem a bit clueless today in the turbo lift and Jim. . . . ," Her nose twitched, "I don't think Jim would figure it out until he actually had the baby."

McCoy nodded with a sigh. "I hope they get it soon. I'm sick of this," he waved his hand, "secrecy thing and if Jim figures it out from Spock, his reaction may be less than what I imagined it would have been if someone like me or you told him." Bones closed his eyes and his lips melded into a small smirk. "Damn, He's gonna be so pissed."

Uhura smiled. "I bet he never even considered the possibility of this sort of thing happening to him." Her eyes grew soft, "I'm really happy for them."

McCoy nodded and patted her shoulder. "So am I."

* * *

*HOLY $H!T did I write that!?* Oh well. Review! and Vote or submit names. Names that have been suggested are on my profile.

I bet there are at least 12 errors in this blood thing. . . . . bad Sam-Sam BAD!

REVIEW ! PLEASE. OH GOD PLEASE REVIEW!


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